i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
