a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
