Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
