I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
