Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize