I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
