If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
