Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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