You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize