My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
