she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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