allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
