Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
