we're blogging at a bar
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize