OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
