Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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