wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
so much tequila, so little girl.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
