there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I want to fling myself into the sun
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize