she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
