maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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