With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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