kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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