My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
