Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
