I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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