I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize