Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
