If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
