I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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