My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize