she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
