this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
