i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
