he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
