I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
