I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
