Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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