I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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