Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
