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Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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