Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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