Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
