new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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