I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
