I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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