I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
