My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
