he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
