i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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