you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
