Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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