found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
there is glitter all over my balls
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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