and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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