she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
