Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
