Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
