We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
