Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
