Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
