she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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