I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize