im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
