I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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