Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
