Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
