I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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