The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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