Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
