i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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