This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
