hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
