at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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