I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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