I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
